| “ | "Thank you for ALL that you do for DragonHollow, Retro!" | ” |
Retro, also known by Retron and a shitton of other aliases, was a redstone engineer, artist, magician, CEO of Retronglomerate, Telchine, and the fifth Archpriest of Eris, who became the last leader of Dragonhollow.
While his irreverent sense of humor and love of practical jokes sometimes got him into trouble, Retro's rise from humble beginnings as a dick-building ass bandit to a wealthy titan of business and real estate and eventually his apotheosis into a god-like technocrat served as an inspiration for his fellow citizens. His engineering expertise and mastery over the unseen forces of the natural world proved indispensable to Eris, the goddess of discord, who first made him her Telchine wizard, then her Archpriest, and ultimately her replacement as the first and last Hegemon.
History[]
Early Life[]
| "I came to this land of snow and opportunity in search of religious and sexual freedom." | ||
—Retro, The Perils of Pilgrimage
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Retro stands in front of Barad-derp
Retro departed his homeworld of Retron via airship and arrived in Summergate on 4E:134. He applied for and received citizenship later that day.
For safety in isolation, he traveled across the Summerlands "a good three days walk" from the city and laid down the foundations for Barad-derp, a tower standing atop a snow-covered mountain range. He built extensive sub-levels beneath the structure for storage and non-automated crop gardens.
On 4E:138, Retro took part in the Search for Snowcrest and teamed up with The McClellans to form the 10K Journey Expedition. After they discovered the ancient frozen city, he received the rank of Explorer and authored a book about the adventure entitled The Perils of Pilgrimage. He was mentioned in 10K Journey, another book about the expedition written by Chris McClellan, and made a cameo appearance in Everfroze: Or How the Heck Tox Found Snowcrest, a satirical retelling of Tox's own calamitous odyssey.
Masonry[]
| Retro: wut Retro: nyet Retro: what are you talking about Retro: im at the tree Retro: im running away Retro: bruh pls Retro: that mason kid is a nub i'm not with him -_- |
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—Retro insists he's not "with" Mason
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Retro was strangely accused of being in league with the irritating Mason
Perhaps due to Retro's unfiltered sense of humor and love of pranks, there were lingering questions in the community regarding his trustworthiness and character.
Because they arrived within a day of each other, Retro was inexplicably associated with the young troublemaker Mason by Trancesk8er and Print. This errant belief was only strengthened when Ferathmai witnessed Retro chop down all of the trees in Trance Swamp. This led the men to threaten him with force.
He was in disbelief that anyone could think he knew or would work with someone as obnoxious as Mason. Despite repeated denials, Trance told his fellow Swampians that Retro was in league with Mason and could not be trusted, while Print issued a warning to members of Print's Paper Route Gang that he was to be avoided.
Retro retaliated by erecting the Swamp Dick, a girthy cobblestone dong designed to reflect his general feelings towards the false accusations, in the unclaimed heart of Trance Swamp.
After it became clear to everyone in the community that Retro had no ties to unpopular Mason, he was able to make peace with Trance and take down the dong. Surprisingly, he chose not to join the posse that assembled to drive out and destroy Mason.
To commemorate this early formative chapter in his life, Retro took the dong as his official banner and popularized it among the residents of Summergate, where it was often used as a bannerhat.
Being a Bandit[]
| Rocco2035 was burnt to a crisp whilst fighting retrontology Tox: RIP Rocco: WHAT Rocco: no Rocco: Trancesk8er help Rocco: retrontology why u kill me Rocco: retrontology ANSWER ME Rocco: fucking tell me Rocco: you just suddenly killed me Rocco: Why i thought we were FUKING friends :'( Rocco: fuk this Rocco: FUK YOU retrontology Retro: <3 Rocco has left Dragonhollow. Trancesk8er: so was that ligit retro or are we dicks now? Retro: i wouldnt worry about it |
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—Retro turns to banditry
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Retro and Dolphin tell TechStomper "U SUCK BALLS"
With his immediate survival needs taken care of, Retro's mind began to wander and he started considering what kind trouble he could get into.
He joined with fellow hooligans Fluffy Ferret and Dolphin and terrorized the countryside around Summergate with a series of pranks, griefs, and murders, always scampering away before his targets could retaliate.
Retro and Dolphin descended upon the alpine fort of TechStomper, punishing him for not properly claiming his property by leaving a series of mocking signs and erecting stone-brick letters that spelled "U SUCK BALLS."
He infiltrated the Summergate Compound of Sprankles and threw a potion of invisibility at his horse Greg, leading Spranks to chase him across Summergate with Tox in tow as a witness.
Retro attempted to influence the election for a new Priest of Eris by stuffing the ballot box with 523 votes for "Butthole McPhearson". However, his efforts were in vain; Acey did not count those ballots and disappeared completely several weeks later, invalidating the entire election.
Retro visits Summergate
When Rocco became a nuisance to the community, drawing comparisons to Mason, Retro aided Trancesk8er in luring him out of hiding and then beheaded him. Later he joined Fluffy and Tater in besieging Rocco's home, repeatedly killing him before encasing it in many layers of dirt.
Retro led a pack of zombies inside McClellan Plantation in order to kill Chris McClellan, who had the habit of standing motionless for many hours safe and sound within his walls in order to accrue days for Top Survivor. His subsequent death after 605 consecutive days of survival knocked him out of the running for first place in the fourth month of Summergate Survivor and paved the way for Gimpley to emerge victorious with the all-time survival record.
On the Move[]
| Retro: god I love redstone Tox: it's the thinking man's weapon Retro: most def |
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—Retro loves redstone
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Retro served as a pastor for weddings at Summergate Church
Putting the bandit life behind him, Retro soon realized how inconvenient life far from civilization could be. He decided to abandon Barad-derp, taking everything with him down to the light fixtures and doors, and began the journey back to Summergate.
He found prime real estate in the city's downtown at the corner of West Road and North Road, a hilly area heavily wooded with thick dark oak trees. Here he began building 420 North Road, the place he would call home for the rest of the Fourth Era.
On 4E:148, Retro attended but did not participate in the First Eastbrook Races, content to watch, heckle, and enjoy the fireworks.
Retro attends the First Angler Tournament at Tox's Cabin
He officiated two wedding ceremonies at Summergate Church—one between Panda and Ibrahana and another between ninjagirl16 and ninjanboy. A supposed third wedding was referenced in Everfroze: Or How the Heck Tox Found Snowcrest, for "a throuple between Tater, Fluffy, and what appeared to be a hay bale named Lenny."
On 4E:168, Retro won the First Angler Tournament, a fishing contest hosted by Acey at Tox's Cabin. He later placed third in the Second Angler Tournament and topped it off with a victory at the unofficial Ice Fishing Contest held at Frost Bite Inn.
He was mentioned in Volume II of the lurid 8 Shades of Acey and Bacon of Hope.
Retro was a resident of Astor, Azureila's community of Dragonhollow expatriates on the world Outsider.
Real Estate Mogul and Business Tycoon[]
| Jinx: retro is the busibody, he knows everyone! MaccaMan: i dont Zerg: who? Tox: believe it or not, even for a land baron, gossip king, and warrior poet... Tox: he's still a newbie! Jinx: really? wow. and he owns all of spawn!? Tox: only due to attrition Tox: he may outlast all of us yet Tox: pretty sure he wants to turn the Tox Box into a parking garage |
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—Retro acquires vast territory
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Retro builds RetroCondos with Katie
As the months passed, Retro slowly expanded his 420 North Road claim westward to the river canyon bordering Gabault's acacia villa of Libreville. He continued to develop his real estate portfolio by acquiring parcels on the north side of Summergate previously owned by 0uttaTime and Ky; at this point he owned the entire northwest border of the city.
To advance his business interests, he founded the megacorporation Retronglomerate.
He partnered with Fluffy Ferret on a 50/50 co-ownership of the Retro Ferret, a seedy nightclub made possible through supplies invested by the Retronglomerate. He personally supervised stripper tryouts there on 4E:169, hiring Rolo and Tater to work the pole for a diamond a day. The club later burned to the ground in what some suspected was arson meant to recoup Retronglomerate's investment costs.
Retro and Hyper survey the landscape
Retro began scavenging beacons from expired claims and and reselling them at a profit, occasionally back to their original owners.
In collaboration with his friend Katie, Retro operated a community of affordable condominiums on the south side of Summergate. Though the early days of RetroCondo were rife with rent-dodgers and squatters, the area improved as more reputable tenants moved in and the occupancy rate skyrocketed. He eventually re-opened Sprankles' Shop in the center of the suburb under the name RetroMart.
After assembling an impressive collection of written books, he opened Retro's Used Books inside Snowcrest Library, selling a number of elusive titles and both volumes of the ever-popular 8 Shades of Acey.
Pillar of the Community[]
| Retro: I feel like too much quartz will feel like a weird mix of cathedral/political building Retro: like a christian science church Tox: not to mention Summergatey Retro: yeah Retro: also that Tox: Tom Cruise probably has some quartz we could borrow Tox: if we turn this into a Scientology church Retro: I heard his name was actually L. Ron Hoyabembeh Retro: and he was a black man Tox: that is blasphemy and I'll not tolerate it |
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—Retro and Tox discuss the Summergate Post Office
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Retro poses at the completed Summergate Post Office
Now a respectable member of Summerlands society, Retro turned his attention to public works projects, events, and support to keep the community thriving in the absence of Acey.
On 4E:255, Retro opened a graveyard for prominent citizens of the Fourth Era. The Summergate Sematary proved a popular—if somewhat morbid—tourist destination.
He repaired and improved the enderman farm at Dolphin Cove, which Tox was holding in trust until Dolphin's return, increasing its yield while adding a smoother cut-off to reduce local temporal disruptions. He also fixed a broken potion dispenser at Fera's Farm to aid Tox in renovating and improving the property so it could be reopened to the public.
Retro leased property along the West Road to a recently reformed Rocco so he could build a treehouse, also designing for him a piston door for a hidden storage basement concealed within the tree's trunk.
He joined Tox in hosting the Summergate Secret Santa, a gift exchange open to anyone. He designed the underground mechanisms responsible for collecting Wish Lists and sorting gifts for their intended recipients.
The Mystical Retro exhibit at the Pixel Art Museum
When the colorful East Road residence at Cambrid Field lost its magical golden shovel protections, Retro took over as the property's caretaker until its owner Sharkberries returned and was able regain ownership through written correspondence.
He participated in Summergate Survivor, a competitive Top Survivor event to determine who could survive the most consecutive days without suffering a death. He finished on the leaderboard in four of the seven contests and was a top three prize winner in the sixth contest, with his personal best score standing at 367 days survived.
On 4E:356, Retro partnered with Tox as co-designer of the Summergate Post Office, a grandiose public works venture designed to introduce a needed mail system for the citizens of the Summerlands. While he was naturally responsible for the complex redstone gadgetry that made the post office functional, he was also integral to the architectural design of the structure itself and many aspects of the final floor plan were his doing. Despite the project's scale, it was completed in only a week thanks to trade with and donations from the greater community and the full support of the Archpriest of Eris, HyperSilence.
He was the subject of an exhibit at the Pixel Art Museum entitled The Mystical Retro. Later, he took over administration of the museum in Rocco's absence and completed two new exhibits himself, The European MrJevie and The Dark Sedron.
Retro pierces Bellona with an arrow
Retro joined the party of adventurers who faced the Ender Trinity, a trio of the deadliest dragons in modern history. His presence was indispensable to the first hunting party, as he slew both Night Fury and Bellona with timely arrows before mighty Ymir forced them all to flee. He came back as a member of the second hunting party, recovering Wojcik's lost items and returning them to his mailbox before returning adorned in his godliest gear. Retro risked everything to destroy the last of the end crystals so that the Trinity could be killed, only to be knocked into the abyss by a regenerated Bellona . His exploits were chronicled in Vanquishing the Void.
Retro rescued Katie's dozens of horses when her hacienda's claim expired by securing them within his stall at Eastbrook Raceway. With the help of Tox, he later transported them back to the ranch upon her return, though he kept The Russian Steed for himself.
Retro poses with friends at the Second Eastbrook Races
He worked closely with HyperSilence to decipher and reverse engineer Acey's baffling contraptions at Eastbrook Raceway so that they could be operated for a new racing event. On 4E:391, he participated in the Second Eastbrook Races. Retro led for 40 of the pig race's 53 seconds but just barely finished behind winner Sprankles. On the back of The Russian Steed, he earned a 4th place finish in the horse race.
He built a starter home for Jrod and his brother on Ferathmai Boulevard in Jevie Town.
Retro was the recipient of a valentine from Sharkberries and Boo on Valentine's Day.
He assisted in a civic beautification effort by land owners north of Summergate, restoring green space, planting flowers, and teaming with Tox to build a covered bridge connecting his Sematary with Summer Park.
Last Days of Summer[]
| Tox: somebody renames stacks of poppies to "opium" and drops them in Fera's mailbox Retro: what a rascal Tox: like multiple times a week or something Tox: I keep finding new ones there Retro: maybe you should tell him Retro: you dont want to get on his supplier's bad side Tox: maybe that's why he went into hiding Tox: couldn't pay up Retro: maybe :O Retro: rip |
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—Tox has no idea he's talking to his tormenter
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Retro becomes the first mortal to ever achieve flight by riding the Batpig
Retro was the first person to ever raid a Hyper Dungeon when he unknowingly discovered the undersea Guardian Trench on 4E:356, defeating its deadly defenders and acquiring the loot single-handedly before Tox could even arrive to assist him.
He attended the first Woj's Races at Castle Wojcik and built a vending machine that dispensed carrots-on-a-stick and saddles to racers. He, along with Wojcik, played a practical joke on Jinx by helping Tox sell her a horse genetically modified by HyperSilence to be so slow it was incapable of moving except when trying to hop. She vowed vengeance against Tox and Wojcik –a promise she would later keep—but surprisingly let Retro off the hook because she was fond of him. He became the first mortal ever to achieve flight when he saddled the Batpig and rode it over the castle. On 4E:405, he attended a doubleheader by showing up at the second Woj's Races and later crashing a rave in the Tox Box where he survived an embrace from its warden Crazy Joe Davola.
Retro and Paul attend a Tox Box rave and meets Crazy Joe Davola up close
Retro was revealed to be the anonymous benefactor responsible for dumping hundreds of stacks of poppies named Opium into the mailbox at 391 Swampian Lane, the ancestral estate of Ferathmai. The property's caretaker Tox had been plagued by the poppies for months, in turn donating them to Azureila who created Poppy Hill with them. The mystery had captivated locals and even led Jinx to pen a book regarding her speculations. Tox finally solved the enigma when he discovered similar stacks of Opium in the output chests of Retro's iron farm at 420 North Road.
Ever a prankster, he designed an ingenious trap that intercepted outgoing wormholes from the Summergate Nether Hub and dropped unsuspecting travelers into lava rather than safely back to Summergate. The controversial ruse claimed many lives including Sprankles, Jinx, Jevie, Mental Clockwork, and Wicked and was mentioned in the book A Clockwork Diamond.
Retro and Gabault visit Tox's Cabin
When Acey finally returned after a long absence, she became intrigued by Retro's previously unrevealed understanding of complex magic. She named him her Telchine, wizard of Dragonhollow, and immediately put him to work designing a method to make Top Survivor immune from those who tried to rig the event by hiding motionless in their homes, as well as designing an automated system for distributing prizes to event winners.
He was added to the Hall of Records at Summergate Town Hall for spending more time in the Summerlands than anyone else alive.
Retro donated a copy of 8 Shades of Acey for the Summergate Time Capsule, which would be sealed and then re-opened in the Fifth Era where the items were to be displayed within the Summergate Museum. However, Acey rejected inclusion of the blasphemous text.
RIP Jinx
Retro accidentally kills Jinx. To save her, he had to...kill her?
His grave at Summergate Sematary was the recipient of Requiescat, a personalized eulogy written by Tox for everyone interred there.
By 4E:412, the inexorable evil of the Black Claim had reached critical mass and Acey directed her subjects to prepare for immediate evacuation from the Summerlands, which sparked a period of lawless anarchy and violence known as the Fall of Summer. Retro was not present when Gabault blew up 420 North Road with high explosives and a mob of riotous scofflaws led by Jack Firebane destroyed RetroCondo. Not wanting to miss the fun, he would later crew up with Tox, HyperSilence, Dolphin, Gabault, Jinx, and Black0ut to blow up more shit including Château Façade and a large swath of Trance Swamp before fleeing the Summerlands forever.
Badlands[]
| Jinx: retro do you have any seeds and carrots i can have? because i let you stay over whenever you want Retro: nope, i'm a broke bitch Jrod: retro do you have a house or are you a nomad Retro: a bit of both |
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—Hard life in the Badlands
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Retro arrives in Bad Landing
Retro arrived in Bad Landing on 4E:419.
While working in his capacity as Telchine he had little free time with which to establish a base or resources, so he became a squatter inside Bad Landing Town Hall much to the amusement of Acey. He lived off eating the flesh of zombies that died in the area.
Soon afterward he was invited to live in Prosperity by its co-mayor Jinx, building "Retro's Wuss Hut" within the town's so-called Idiot Village, but he remained destitute.
Retro nearly received an invite to the newly-formed Hyperion group upon the recommendation of Tox, but faction leader HyperSilence deferred the offer until later, preferring to keep membership limited to those he knew well from the Third Era. This backfired when Retro discovered Zerg at the Hatchery and announced its location to the public, leading the Merry Men to besiege it during their war against Hyperion.
He eventually established a cave hovel in the southwest mountains not far from Bitterbreeze.
On the final day of the Fourth Era, Retro composed the original artwork A Sprankles Sunrise, time-lapse photography that portrayed a single day in the life of 36 Desert, the home of Sprankles.
Pandora[]
| Sprankles: Thank you, same to you! It's been a pleasure. We should do it again! Join the dragonkin! Tox: Join the Riders! Sprankles: But... Retros in my clan. |
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—Sprankles can't quit Retro
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"Soon..." said the mythic black unicorn
Retro was one of the first people to arrive in Blackbourne when the floating islands of Sanctuary arrived above Pandora on 5E:1. In recognition of his time in Dragonhollow, he was granted the rank of Veteran by Acey.
He was automatically inducted into the Dragonkin, one of three membership-mandatory Dragon Clans active during the Fifth Era. At the time of his transit through their Dragon Gate, their hometown of Kindred had yet to be established, so he traveled ten kilometers across an ocean in search of solitude and safety.
Retro ventured deep into a desert where he built the Moisture Farm, a partially automated agricultural oasis largely hidden beneath the sands. He lived there in isolation, his only neighbor being Pancake, whose claim he later raided for half of everything the man owned.
Retro on horseback in Ouroborea
In the months that followed he focused on his continued work as Telchine. He was responsible for genetically engineering the Killer Bunny, which he tested on Tox in the sewers of his home planet Retron. After Acey vanished once again, he was instrumental in helping HyperSilence keep Dragonhollow functioning. Rumors swirled that his magic was behind the mysterious squid storms.
He worked closely with Tox to design Wyvern Pointe, a floating island community hub and gateway to Outer Pandora, which opened to the public on 5E:101.
During the Second Phase of Dungeon Quest II, he embarked on a hunt with Tox to find Frigid Floe, a Hyper Dungeon known to exist above an icy spikes biome. Though their travels covered more than fifty kilometers of territory, the dungeon remained elusive and Retro was forced to turn back leaving Tox to discover its location. Five days later, both men returned to raid Frigid Floe. As they ascended upward Retro could not resist loosing a quick arrow at one of the isle's defenders, and the reciprocal force delivered by its Thorns III enchantment sent him careening down to his death upon frozen plains below, mere minutes into the raid.
Retro accepted a formal invitation by HyperSilence to join Hyperion on 5E:119.
Retro flies into the sunset
He complied with the faction's requirement to become a Dragon Rider using the Join Clan Token, but remained loyal to the Dragonkin and continued to think of himself as "green." He made immediate improvements to their new base at Hyperion Heights, designing an autosorter for their main XP farm, the redstone mechanics behind their spider and skeleton farms, and all of the automation that powered Tim Curry Mine.
On 5E:131, Retro began constructing a gigantic iron bucket at his home isle in Hyperion Heights. Proceeds from Hyperion's main iron farm and gains produced by the Tim Curry Mine were funneled into the project over the months that followed. He also helped Tox survey and repair some of the damage left behind by a strange temporal ripple.
Retro poses at the BAWLLS of Ouroboros at sundown
He was aggressively recruited by Lord to join Ouroboros, but wary of their militant intentions and insistence he relocate to their hidden base, he remained loyal to Hyperion and declined the invitation. Retro then made a counter-offer: their chance for a non-aggression pact and trade opportunities with the wealthiest faction in Pandora through a potential alliance between Hyperion and Ouroboros. Lord replied that he needed time to discuss the proposition with his people, but they apparently rejected the idea of an alliance. Retro later accompanied Tox on a journey to visit distant Ouroborea, the homeland of Ouroboros, where he made his mark with a netherrack sculpture that spelled out "BAWLLS."
Retro managed to hijack and spellbind Harold on 5E:201, using him as a mouthpiece to transmit humorous messages. After the Herald shared a phony "Pro Tip" that mocked Tox, Retro managed to convince the man that HyperSilence was behind the prank.
Retro works on Wyvern Pointe
On 5E:231, he worked with Tox on a radical renovation of Wyvern Pointe that expanded it into a chain of five floating islands allowing travel even deeper into the wilderness of Outer Pandora. They completed construction on 5E:249.
Jinx invited him to Jinxion to build in the town's Visitor's Village and had a plot reserved for his use, but he never built anything on it.
Retro and Tox hosted the Pandora Secret Santa at Wyvern Pointe. He installed redstone mechanics that allowed participants to drop of their Wish Lists and a device that alternated the color of the tree's beacon from red to green. As one of "Santa's elves", he used donations from Hyperion's own treasure to fulfill the Wish List of Terry after his Secret Santa gave him no gifts.
Retro at Hyperion Heights
At the same time, he was promoted to be the next Archpriest of Eris, the highest possible rank attainable by mortals. This led to some confusion among residents—none more so than Retro himself—given that the current Archpriest HyperSilence announced the promotion yet did not step down or take on a new title. The two men shared administrative duties, operating in concert as the right-and-left hands of Acey, though Retro continued to defer to HyperSilence on many community issues and preferred to focus on development of supporting mechanics; for him, it was simply a new title for responsibilities he was already shouldering as Telchine.
Retro, along with HyperSilence and Tox, was part of the Hyperion expedition that made the first discovery of a woodland mansion in Dragonhollow history on 5E:259.
Retro builds the RetroBucket
He collaborated with HyperSilence on the Twilight Project, a bold effort to guide Dragonhollow into a radical new era enriched with dangerous landscapes, strange new items, and powerful forces like levitation and gravity. As part of the project, he and Tox tested a pair of new Hyper Dungeons known as Withermere and Thundermere.
On 5E:280, Retro joined Tox and HyperSilence in escorting fellow Hyperion clanmate Zerg on an 80 kilometer flight from Wyvern Pointe to Hyperion Heights, stopping to help build the Dragon Riders Outpost on the way.
His final act in Pandora was the completion of the RetroBucket. He was last seen on 2E:284 and thus avoided the pandemonium unleashed weeks later when Eris opened Pandora's Box.
Hallowmere[]
| "In the grand scheme of things, Acey was originally planning to just take down Dragonhollow, considering she didn't really see anyone worthy enough to take over (I hurt a little inside). But then, Retro humbly stepped up to the plate and volunteered to take over Dragonhollow for her, and she couldn't have thought of anything better." | ||
—HyperSilence announces Retro as Hegemon
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Retro waves his ass goodbye as he prepares to leap from the airship and brave the Hallowmere wilderness
Retro arrived in Hardship on 6E:1.
He found life in Hallowmere—the culmination of his work on the Twilight Project—challenging but extremely unforgiving, even for a Dragonhollow veteran. His earliest moments were spent in a state of overencumberance and crippled health. When possible he made his way to join Tox at Watchtower Theia, a Hyperion outpost.
A day later, he attempted a solo raid on Venomere, a Hyper Dungeon overrun by very fast and extremely venomous cave spiders. After many deaths, he enlisted the help of veteran dungeon-raider Tox. Their early attempts to create an aerial forward operating base collapsed due to the unfamiliar effects of gravity, but Retro devised engineering techniques to overcome this handicap. Together, they pacified the deadly arachnids using methods Tox had employed against the Arachnodome and in doing so Retro helped his faction clear the first Hyper Dungeon in the Sixth Era and acquire the first beacon.
A week later, he set out on a journey with Tox—and surprise guest Acey—to find a permanent home for Hyperion. They took a brief departure to make the initial ascent of Sagarmatha, Dragonhollow's tallest mountain, with Retro being the first to climb the ice cap and reach the rocky summit.
Retro ascends the ice cap of Sagarmatha, the highest peak on Dragonhollow
They continued on and eventually reached Valley Forge, an island in the Acheron river valley, which they hollowed out in preparation for a new base of operations. However, faction leader HyperSilence rejected it as their new home on the basis that it was too small.
On 6E:13, Retro formulated a process to purify the contaminated iron dropped by zombies, making it possible for Acey to set up a trader at the airship to exchange poor quality iron for good iron and once more reminding her why she chose him as her Telchine. When reports began to surface of residents finding Teleport Scrolls in ruins and becoming stranded in distant Sanctuary—still floating thousands of kilometers away above ruined Pandora—he found a way to counteract their teleportation magic and prevent further incidents.
Retro gazes up at Big Butte for the first time
Acey tasked him with beginning preliminary work on the return of her Goddess' Challenge.
Retro relocated to Big Butte, a hollowed-out clay crag serving as Hyperion's new hidden headquarters. There he built Satan's Alley, an underground strip club.
As Hegemon[]
| Tox: yeah, Retro got rid of some of the more annoying stuff like that Tox: that just made things tedious chairty: what all has changed Retro: a whole bunch of small stuff Sprankles: Took most of the turds out of the punchbowl. chairty: lmao Retro: that's a good summary Tox: haha agreed Tox: that's a wiki quote if I ever saw one |
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—Retro taking turds out of the punchbowl
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i'm in charge now bitches
On 6E:71, Eris made the shocking announcement that she was leaving Dragonhollow and embarking on a journey of self-discovery across the stars far beyond the distant reaches of the known universe. Before her departure, she named Retro as her regent and successor as the first Hegemon and infused him with extraordinary power from the Heart of the Hollow itself, causing his apotheosis from guy to god literally overnight.
He immediately began making ambitious plans for the coming Seventh Era. To ease the transition of power, he brought on Tox as an advisor due to his experience and historical expertise and incorporated as many of Acey's ideas for the future as possible. This included the continuity of Sanctuary as a central community hub, the name Hammerlea for the next spawn town, and her designs for the airship Oneiros and its destination, the token shop Tortuga.
Retro looking majestic af atop the airship at Hardship, capital of Hallowmere
At the same time, he listened to feedback about some of the more unpopular aspects of Hallowmere and prepared to reduce or roll them back entirely as part of the ongoing Twilight Project, trying to strike a balance between keeping the community engaged while preserving the challenge inherent to life in Dragonhollow.
On 6E:74, Retro announced the Hallowmere Best Build Contest, with the winning entries to be integrated into Hammerlea.
While Retro's leadership was generally met with support and optimism, other veterans chafed under his stringent enforcement of existing rules—many of them original Edicts of Eris—and perceived him as a relative newcomer suddenly usurping power and turning Dragonhollow into a tyrannical dystopia. These malcontents launched a short-lived rebellion against his rule which reached its apex on 6E:95 with the Bombing of Hardship. Retro felt his authority was being tested and reacted swiftly, ending the uprising with the permanent exile of Kimarastraz, Jrod, and Gabault.
Much to the growing unease of Bagger and MaccaMan, he began secretly giving the many villagers of Nova Zaeric strange and nonsensical names, but played dumb when asked directly about it.
Retro working on the Hammerlands Railway all the livelong day
To commence work on building the new spawn town of Hammerlea, Retro served as project lead and urban planner, assembling a diverse team of builders, landscapers, and technical specialists—Sleekit, Zen, Jinx, and Tox—each of whom brought something different to the project.
He worked tirelessly to weave each build into the greater city and was responsible for many of the designs personally, including those for the Jeweler, Armorer, the Hammerlea Post Office (with Tox), and the back-end mechanics behind nearly everything from the Token Exchange to the Hammerlands Railway.
He had a grave in the catacombs beneath Hammerlea.
Retro oversaw a transformative renovation of Sanctuary, drastically reducing its size while adding new points of interest, such as a new Magma Maze designed by Terry, a grave for Gimpley, and a new Satan's Alley in collaboration with Sleekit and Tox.
Retro and Tox take a hot tub break aboard the Oneiros
He worked with Tox in completing Acey's Tortuga black market, adding new items and designing a Finding Tortuga questline to provide a fun challenge on the way.
Retro unveiled Hammerlea to the public when he opened the Hammerlands to travel on 7E:1, which led to renewed community interest and an influx of newcomers.
On 7E:6, he hosted Marshacre Madness, a PvP tournament at the re-opened Marshacre Arena.
Retro was forced to intervene to disrupt the Radar Plan, an attempt by the Scylfings to use arcane scrying tools of a dubious nature to target their enemies and gain a competitive advantage for Hammerlea Survivor. While he made the hard decision to ban all offworld tools, he chose not to punish Wiz or Alec, and addressed their grievances by inventing the Player Tracker and a corresponding Tracker Jammer for sale in Tortuga.
He was spotted once again riding the fabled Batpig above Hammerlea on 7E:50.
On 7E:51, Retro and Tox conducted the State of Dragonhollow Survey, which asked the community for input on a number of topics including their feelings on the Twilight Project's many features and the types of events they would like to see in the future.
Retro interacts with residents in Hammerlea
The Eriids meteor shower began bombarding Dragonhollow's upper atmosphere on 7E:59, making travel to the planet extremely difficult and causing widespread communications disruptions that included the Forum. Many citizens questioned whether or not the planet had been destroyed by the phenomenon. Retro and his de facto Archpriest Tox used the faster-than-light relay Discord and various back channels to provide a navigational course than could get them safely through the storm.
When Jinx, an Architect of Eris, approached Retro about her desire to construct a multi-purpose events complex, he supported the idea by giving her access to Eventide where she could build Bog Stadium.
On 7E:71, Retro and Tox brought Eastbrook Raceway to Hammerlea in advance of new races being held there.
Retro investigates the Ziggurat after it's revealed to be an alien starship and launches itself above Hammerlea
The Ziggurat in Hammerlea was revealed to be an alien starship when when it mysteriously lifted off and began hovering around the city on 7E:86, requiring the efforts of Retro to land it and anchor it back in place. Later that day, Retro toured Eastbrook Raceway atop the Batpig.
On 7E:97, Retro made the somber announcement that Nyx—the apocalyptic Eternal Night foretold in ancient prophecy—was inevitable and the end of Dragonhollow was only weeks away. Despite the ominous news, he helped Tox organize the Third Eastbrook Races and Marshacre Madness II, though he wasn't able to attend either event.
He was present for the planet's final hours, looking on with Ky and Tox as the destructive gravitational forces wrought by Nyx tore apart all of his hard work. In a nod to Tox's "First in, Last out" epitaph on his grave at Summergate Sematary, Retro left just ahead of the darkness closing in on them, allowing his old friend to be the last person to set foot on Dragonhollow.
After Dragonhollow[]
| Acid: Who is retro technology TheSonicMovie: some weirdo prob Jinx: an elder god of the server Jinx: served eons ago Acid: Oh ok Jinx: probably old and decrepit now Jinx: outdated technology |
||
—Retro is old, forgotten technology
| ||
Retro collaborated with HyperSilence and Tox on the Retrohollow project
In the intervening Second Dark Age, Retro stayed in touch with Tox and the two men engaged in a fair amount of tomfoolery.
One year later, he collaborated with HyperSilence and Tox on Retrohollow, a spiritual successor that aimed to create a new home for those left adrift by the fall of Dragonhollow. He deliberately took a subordinate role to project lead Hyper, offering his homeworld Retron as the location and focusing on behind-the-scenes technical wizardry and bringing his prior experience as both Telchine and Hegemon to the table. He created the Pobble and contributed to the Atoll spawn town, but his crowning achievement was the mountainside mural Steve Zissou. Unfortunately, the project ultimately failed due to creative differences.
The PlayDates gang at Villa de Creve Coeur
Six months later, he invited the PlayDates crew to join him on Retron and enjoy some casual building in a relaxed environment. He constructed the A-Apartments which served as a home for the group, though they eventually spread out to work on their own pet projects across the landscape.
Halfast[]
| Lex: I need to bury this shite Jrod: ? Lex: Something Retro handed me Retro: lol Jrod: what is it lol Lex: Heretical Shit Lex: you are now wanted for 2 counts of heresy retro enjoy Retro: what's the price on my head? Lex: High enough. |
||
—Greywatch places a bounty on Retro's head
| ||
Retro in the early days of the Silo
Ever since he'd established the refugee colony on Halfast for displaced Dragonhollow residents, HyperSilence had tried to convince Retro to come by for a visit. Nearly a year later, Retro finally relented and made the journey on 8E:290.
Desiring to be unburdened by the past, he kept a low profile by skinchanging into Dirk Funk, his true identity known only to HyperSilence and Tox, though Jinx had her suspicions. To get himself established, he convinced XX_Purpled_XX and several other noobs to foolishly entrust him to their claim, then looted items he would need to survive in the wilderness.
Rather than live among the large community surrounding the Fish Bowl, he traveled more than four kilometers to settle on a savanna plateau. There he built the Silo, an underground base designed around a central cylindrical element. Over time, he added a large glass dome, a cave spider XP grinder, a villager apartment complex, an autobrewery, and mechanized farms for gunpowder, sugarcane, and honey.
Retro's Silo Library was the largest library in history at the time of its construction
But the most impressive aspect of the base was the Silo Library, then the largest library in history, displaying 83 books written over many years by authors from both Dragonhollow and Halfast.
He took part in the First WeekEnd raid against his old draconian foe Bellona, looking for revenge after being killed by her and subsequently losing his best gear back in the Fourth Era. However, he spent more time fighting his fellow raiders. Lex attacked him first, knocking him off an obsidian pillar and forcing him to glide to safety. He landed next to Lex hoping to return the favor, but Jrod landed and bed-bombed them, though they both survived. Soon thereafter, Jrod's Eternal Chaos ally Alec swooped down to bed-bomb them again, still failing to kill them. Jrod managed to knock him off the pillar but he soared to safety, tagging Gabault with a perfect arrow as he did so. He then attempted to bed-bomb both Gabault and Jrod atop their own pillar, but Gab broke the bed before he could detonate it; a second attempt to do so against Jrod alone also failed. After a group banded together to ward off the warriors of Eternal Chaos, Boiled Rice betrayed them by bed-bombing Retro, Acid, and Seudo. Retro was ultimately unable to grab any of the priceless loot that Bellona eventually dropped after 48 minutes of combat.
Retro returned to civilization in order to erect An Ode To My Cock, a 120-meter sculpted phallus that was one of the first things newcomers witnessed upon leaving the Fish Bowl. It was first cast in stone and later appropriately solid wood, capable of periodically ejaculating white fireworks from its tip via a redstone mechanism. Reception was mixed; some considered it artistic magnificence worthy of tears, while others found it distasteful and crude.
Retro visits the Fish Bowl
On 8E:340, Greywatch declared Retro a public enemy for "2 counts of heresy"—the act of constructing the profane sculpture and for his part in reprinting and distributing 8 Shades of Acey, a lewd book the organization considered vile blasphemy against their patron saint Eris. Lord Commander Lex issued a bounty on his head.
In response, he formed the satirical Salmonwatch to poke fun at Greywatch and built a redstone-powered contraption to constantly ring bells in the vicinity of Castle Skywatch and Greywatch Garrison. However, the Heirarch of Halfast himself, HyperSilence, quickly vetoed the bell device due to public annoyance and Retro was forced to dismantle it.
Greywatch placed a bounty on Retro's head for heresy
Retro participated in the Second WeekEnd event that pitted combatants against the ender dragon Zeus, King of Gods. Only moments before Zeus was defeated, Seudo accidentally hit him with a lethal arrow that popped his totem of undying, leaving him vulnerable to a well-timed bed-bomb from Jrod which killed him. Though he lost his gear in the process, he still earned 100 levels of XP by dealing the secondmost amount of damage to Zeus.
Retro eventually came into the crosshairs of Eternal Chaos, perhaps inevitable considering that years prior he had permanently exiled its leader Jrod from Dragonhollow. After hearing him talk publicly of his blaze farm in the Nether, Jrod and Alec tracked him and punched a hole in his overworld claim with a portal, using it to infiltrate the Silo. Retro was killed when an invisible Jrod ambushed him in the library. When Hyper was unable to find a solution to the portal technique that Eternal Chaos was using, Retro fortified his base in other ways to prevent a recurrence. Though Jrod was ineligible to collect the bounty on Retro because he himself was Greywatch's greatest enemy, Alec later assassinated him in an open field near the Cock and delivered his head to Lord Commander Lex in exchange for diamonds.
Tugboat Tox time!
A number of mercenaries, including Wiz and Only Exception, also hunted him in the hopes of cashing in on his bounty, though none succeeded as he spent very little time away from the Silo.
Despite being targeted, Retro still performed well in the Top Survivor event, finishing 7th in the second month and 5th in the third month, the latter being good enough to earn a prize of x5 golden apples and 75 levels of XP.
Eventually his interest began to wane and his visits became more sporadic. His final project, a companion piece to the Cock, was never completed. Retro's final trip came on 8E:366. He was glimpsed for mere moments in Midgard and not at all in Asphodel, though rumors persisted that he visited Novigrad under yet another alias...
Notable Builds[]
| Azureila: that is a glorious penis Azureila: I'm crying HyperSilence: dont stare i'll blush Seudo: hyper Seudo: nothing you have Seudo: can compare to retro's penis Alec: can anything compare tho? |
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—High praise for Retro's cock
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| Picture | Place | Region | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
|
Barad-derp | Summerlands | A glowing tower in the mountains |
|
420 North Road | Summerlands | A dank corner crib |
|
Summergate Sematary | Summerlands | A graveyard of fellow residents |
|
Summergate Post Office | Summerlands | A public mail facility |
|
Moisture Farm | Pandora | A desert agricultural oasis |
|
Tim Curry Mine | Hyperion Heights | A fabulous stripping mine |
|
RetroBucket | Hyperion Heights | He lived in a giant bucket |
|
Satan's Alley | Big Butte | An underground strip club |
|
Hammerlea | Hammerlands | The capital of the Hammerlands |
|
Steve Zissou | Retron | A mountainside mural depicting the life aquatic |
|
Silo | Asgarth | A cylindrical underground residence |
|
An Ode To My Cock | Asgarth | A fully erected woody monument |
Nicknames[]
| Jrod: retro what’s up w you and changing your nick a couple times a day haha PlutoNash: I think I'm clever or somethin Absurd: I enjoy it PlutoNash: :D Jrod: they’re pretty funny sometimes PlutoNash: ty Jrod: i don’t think i get the current one tho but that’s fine PlutoNash: it's a bit old for you Jrod: boomer PlutoNash: :D Absurd: proud of it man Jrod: the DH boomers haha |
||
—Retro's nicknames get noticed
| ||
The following is a list of nicknames used by Retro, sorted by the land where it was first used.
Summerlands[]
- FreeTibet
- DamSon
- TrevorLahey
- WhoopsieGoldberg
- JohnTheFisherman
- LethargicNoise
- Diddler
- NumbaThreeAFKer
- FuckNuggets
- MarthaStewart
- KimDotCom
- Hashtag
- Dill_Dough
- PatrickSwayze:
- 110thStreet
- Bill_Gluckman
- MaximumThrust
- AuntJemima
- SkaFilteFish
- 2confusing
- PaulMooney
- KingsleyZissou
- DirkFunk
- FunkmasterFlex
- DirtyDan
- Juice
- TenLayerBurrito
- An_RKO_Picture
- MelGibson
- SlimShaders
- Gruberman
- WayneBrady
- BonerJams03
Pandora[]
- Blackfish
- peparonynchease
- Felwaffle
- McSquib
- DrGonzo
- WolfPants
- GregTheStopSign
- TacoBellTuesday
- Freddy
- Boodie
- SirMuffPuncher
- ElBlancoNino
- MrMagoo
- HughManatee
- ClownShoes
- JohnWayneGacy
- JohnFlopkins
- LincolnOsiris
- Gorn
- Vorenus
- SteveHolt
- RonBurgandy
- PotHole
- Schnapps
- CrabPeople
Hallowmere[]
- NightMan
- ChakaLutherKing
Hammerlands[]
- FalseFlagOp
- ColonelSanders
- MisterSusan
- BobFossil
- BuffaloBob
- SpraynerdKrueger
Retron[]
- BagO'Dicks
- GutCassidy
- Bjerk
Halfast[]
- LordOfTheAsses
- OlDirtyBiscuit
- FriedOkra
- AnActualPotato
- TheOliveGarden
- BitchLasagna
- TheTrueButtlord
- Stanky
- TheStankBank
- TheDiddler
- PlutoNash
- TheSonicMovie
- BobSaget
- SpikeRee
- Jimothy
- HailSatan
- ShastaOrangeSoda
- 0xBEEF
- ActuallyJoePera
- GrandMuffTarkin
- aPhatPairOfJNCOs
- BobDole
- LRonHoyabembeh
- MikeHoncho
- SprechenSieDick
- Roody
- SomeBitch
- SassageSalesman
- WheelofFish
- ThePercolator
- Didgeridont
- OrsonWelles
- BillyBobFortran
- WelcomeToChilis
- Tang
- ChickMangione
- DzundzaDownUnda
- MagnumDongus
- PotPiedPiper
- MorganFreechild
- Wakaliwonder
- SeenBeen
Gallery[]
| "I need a Retro." | ||
—Acey
| ||
Behind the Scenes[]
The following is out-of-universe information about the real world Dragonhollow.
| "Honestly only reason why I'm selling it is cos I'm comfortable selling it to you guys. I'd rather shut it down than sell it to someone else." | ||
Retro became owner of the Dragonhollow server on April 21, 2017.